Better late than never

I know, I know. I have been remiss in posting my daily updates, but what can I say? My curtains came in, and since then, I have not been able to keep my days in order. I have apparently slept through 2 full days. If it had not been for the dire need to use the human waste disposal device (not to be confused with the human disposal device, won't make that mistake twice), I would probably still be asleep.

But enough excuses. On to my day. We will skip pass the relief effort, as I am sure all of you know how the human waste disposal device works. I mean, who could forget something so uncomfortable and often painful. I am certain we all would if we could. At any rate, when the bleeding stopped, I checked the time.

Now this process is not as simple as it sounds. First you have to look into the eyes of the time displacement parrot. Don't blink, unless you want to spend the next 24 hours locked in that exact moment. I have lost many a day that way. Once the parrot completes his journey through time and space, he will respond to you as appropriate.

"It is 2 hours, 37 minutes, 14 seconds passed the noon hour..." it started.

"Ah good", I thought, it's about my normal time to get up.

"March 19th..." it continued.

"Wow, 2 days overslept. Good thing I had nothing better to do..." my mind rambled.

"21970992 BC!" the parrot concluded.

Wait, what?

Just then, I heard a god aweful noise coming from outside. I ran to the front door, well, more like a brisk jog... ok, so I slowly crept to the front door and peered out the window. I peered to the left, taking notice that my newly budding daffodils were just shrugging off the deadly effects of the morning suns rise. I then slowly glanced to the right and discovered the mailbox was not only full, but crying hysterically. But that is pretty routine. It cries everytime a bill comes in. It is such a sensitive mailbox.

Oh, and there was a giant Tyranosourus Rex glaring at me. The mailman's legs were still hanging from it's mouth. It slurped them in and looked away as if hoping I had not just witnessed it devouring the guy who brings such sadness to my mailbox every day.

I closed the curtains and decided today would be a good day to stay in. You know, watch some UniverseTube, take care of some neglected personal hygeine issues, survive to live another day...

I'll let you know how that goes tomorrow, good lord willing.